Well I never.

I would never have thought that a rhinocerous could do that.

Came as a complete surprise I tell you.

One minute it was all wine and roses and the next, charging at me.

astonishing lick of speed on those buggers.

And once they start, they’re damn hard to stop.

Took three brick walls and a fountain of youth to stop him.

And really — and i’ll be completely honest with you here — it was only the last bucket of whitewash that really finished him off.

He was puking for hours.

I ask you, how do you get that out of the carpet?

meanwhile, we’ve got the anaconda in the punch, three marmazelles… or is it marmadukes? Can never remember the pronunciation — taking each other to task over who had the last pine-nut and the giraffes taking turns skinny dipping in the bathtub.

It’s a jungle around here.

bada-ba-bada-ba-bada-ba…

this news just to hand.

The australian olympic coverage has been pre-empted and replaced by reruns of battlestar galactica.

Network bosses said that they felt that the Australian public were just sick and tired of wall-to-wall sport.

And bloody Bruce McAveny and Sandy Roberts, together with the entire commentary team had been  locked up in a Chinese prison for crimes against statistical analysis.