… soon to be greeted by a cuppa and breakfast. Food will feature in this day as well as other things.
The bottom-line is this: After much soul-searching last night, I worked out where my major frustration came from: dealing with people.
That is, specific people, the kind who don’t actually listen to anything but their own voice. People that it would be so much easier to simply say ‘go away’ to, and simply withdraw. People who should, in any sane sense of the word, be able to take care of themselves.
I run a support group. Which is, of course, a can of worms waiting to be opened. However, for the most-part, the group gatherings have been reliably free of the needy. One has turned up, and has been spoken to on a couple of occasions about a couple of issues.
I think my issue is that I am an impatient person with a patient shell. If people don’t get something after a certain time, all I want to do is walk away and put my energies into things that actually will get me some joy.
I don’t know about anyone else, but putting language in very clear, non-judgemental, non-threatening, extremely diplomatic terms when all you want to do is tell someone to fuck off is exhausting. And annoying. In fact, I think it’s the pent-up annoyance in this situation that led to yesterday’s unpleasantness. I begin to doubt myself, I begin to… oh…
I worked it out: it’s a variation on the old theme.
Short version: I used to be around people who undermined me a lot. I let them, but knew they were undermining me. When confronted by them about my supposed shortcomings, I spoke to them in continually diplomatic and careful language in order to avoid further inflaming tensions (and in order to try to avoid my copping it in the neck. Again).
With the person in question, I was speaking in continually diplomatic and careful language in order to avoid (in this case) offense or hurt.
Which has triggered the monstrous frustration and upset I experienced yesterday.
So, what’s the solution?
Option 1: Tell people like this to simply fuck off, grow up and for fucks sake stop being a bloody arsehole!
Hmmm, slightly extreme, but on a satisfaction scale, it’s up there with chocolate.
Option 2: (from the Long Version): Just say ‘No’. For example:
‘No, that is an inappropriate question to ask.’
‘No, it is inappropriate to be nosey’
‘No, you do not have a right to talk continually at me.’
‘No, if you’re not prepared to begin adjusting your behaviour for this group situation, then you have to leave.’
My problem is that I engage in dialogue. I engage in explanations. And the explanations become more and more long-winded and intricate. I have to work fast and very, very hard to create language that is non-threatening, non-judgemental, and incredibly diplomatic, while communicating a simple idea: ‘No.’
There. I feel better. Now I can have breakfast.