I’m alone as I write this, in the loungeroom. Well, alone except my cat.

My amazing partner has departed and is driving home to nonna.

It feels again like this weekend has been fraught with difficulties merely for the simple fact of trying something. People have been reactionary and melodramatic which has created another rather boring flurry of emails on a group I belong to.

I only stay to support two people. I need to synchronise those circles again.

My main issue, as always, is that this has been an unnecessary waste of time and energy. Something very, very simple has been blown out of all proportion by the same people that usually blow things out of proportion.

Ignoring them was my first instinct, but through some discussion, I concluded that it would be good to clarify a few items and move on.

It’s become boring again. I don’t like boring. I want to have things nice, I want to spend my energy on things that MATTER to me. My partner is number one; I’m equal pegging with them by the way! The support group I’m running is high up as well, and there’s some cool things going on there.

My worry is that it’s become ten times as complicated as it needs to be because, jesus christ, people are so bloody touchy! There’s this possessiveness about their attitudes and behaviour that borders on obsessiveness. There’s attitude that they are in charge and dictate terms to everyone else (while denying they don’t). There’s a whole cartload of dirty laundry behind them and it’s stifling everything that’s being proposed, everything that’s being achieved.

And I’m sick to death of it. This was supposed to be fun for fucks sake. This was supposed to be engaging and interesting! It’s a shit fight every time we try to do something. Even removing from them has caused further shit fighting. What the Fuck?!

It’s through these kinds of attitudes and behaviours that people burn out. They find themselves not caring one way or another. Their spirit and their drive are ruthlessly crushed by others who are unable or unwilling to let them DO the things they want to. It is precisely this reason that more and more groups are being created in the state: people get stifled and ignored and crushed, and so they go off and do things their own way.

I for one am sick to death of this.

Author: gotheek

Sometime writer, full time human.