War, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war, war war,war,war,war,war,war…

Bored yet?

I sure as hell am.

Every damn thing is War.

War on Drugs.

War on Terrorism

War on Science

War on Obesity

War on poverty

I know The Chaser’s War On Everything is a piss-take of all of this, but it doesn’t actually make it any less boring and a waste. I’m so sick of hearing about wars of any kind. Sick of the mindset behind the concept of war, sick of the over-use of a word which equates to death, destruction, abuse and mindless agression, sick of hearing it used for everything from terrorism to overweight people. Sick To Bloody Death.

There are thousands of words in the English Language; are we so short-sighted, so lacking in intelligence, so devolved that we can only get attention by declaring WAR on it?

<rant>

See, this always happens.

Oh, this is a Technical Writing blog entry by the way. Sorry, forgot to mention that; was preoccupied swearing protracted and extensive revenge against my document reviewers.

Documentation seems to be something that the IT industry has marked — unconsciously and astonishingly — as something that anyone can do right at the end with no preparation whatsoever.

I’ve been around for long enough to have this simple irritating fact proved time and time again.

And reviews; don’t get me started.

Well, that’s what this entry is about, so I shall get started.

I give my reviewers a fair suck of the sav, a reasonable amount of time to do their work; I leave them alone when they’re busy, I step away when they’re in meetings or kicking out code like a posse of kangaroos kick lost tourists who think the route from Perth to Melbourne will only take a couple of hours. Hello!! It’s over a thousand kilometers Morons! This is not Europe!

Where was I?

Reviews.

So earlier this week I said explicitly in a meeting that I needed review comments through by Thursday afternoon, so I could spend Friday putting them in ready for the release on Monday.

Three people in the meeting of 10 actually made an effort and  put the review comments in. I had to harass another one who I met in a meeting and sorted that out.

So it comes to Thursday arvo (that’s Afternoon in Australian for all you foreigners), and there’s nothing new. Good, I thought.

Then I decided — in my idiocy — to go around and ask the people in question if they’d mind Getting Off Their Arses And Review The Documentation Like They Said They Would And Were Reminded To In Not One But THREE Email Messages.

Well, I didn’t put it like that, the same as I didn’t take my preferred method of positive reinforcement and grab them by the hair and smack their foreheads against the desk repeatedly to make the point.

As I sit here, there’s fifteen additional comments been added to the page. And it’s Friday afternoon. And I am Not Fucking happy.

Yes, I understand that people get busy. Yes, I understand that they’ve got their own jobs to do. Yes, I understand that there’s a fine line between serious assualt and gentle reminders… but seriously, it’s bloody annoying to have all this CRAP dropped on you at the last Fucking minute.

</end rant>

Well, it’s official: iiNet Sucks.

I’m sick of being on hold to these guys. It’s like being with bloody Hellstra or Opt-Arse for frig’s sake! What IS it with companies.

No amount of “Your call is important to us” and “Our staff are experiencing higher than average call volume.” cuts it anymore in this world.

Neither do constantly being told “it’s time to go naked with iiNet…” and “…are you experiencing slow download rates with your dial-up connection..?”

I don’t care. I don’t want to be advertised at. I don’t want to be constantly told how hard it is for you to receive calls because the three people that are left in your call-center after your last hatchet-job on staff that actually do the freaking work can’t handle the volume of calls!

It reminds me of an ex-employer who, during one of the regular 6-monthly retrenchment cycles, fired the guy responsible for building the one application that the CEO of the company had declared was the best thing since sliced bread and would make the company bigger than Ben whatsisname.

Stupid!

So is being on hold for 15 minutes!

iiNet used to be a good company, easy to deal with, quick turnaround on service calls, connections and anything you needed really. Now they’re just like every other damn company out there: happy to take your money, happy to provide a bit of contractually obligated service (ie. phone/net connection) and CRAP at everything else that’s actually necessary for running a business.

Bottom line: if your staff can’t handle the number of calls coming in, then HIRE SOME MORE!!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZ-lJpL2oVg]

Okay, bored now.

I found a link for a Fake Steve Jobs round-up of the Macworld conference, and thought it might be worth a look. Cool, I thought; I quite like the blog — even though some of the readers are obviously sexist pigs (take a look at some of the Photocrank pictures if you doubt my appraisal) — and thought this might be an amusing diversion to what I was doing: translating incomprehensible tech-speak into something that people other than the author could read without a fairly high inhalation of peyote and camel-dung.

First I got a crappy and incomprehensible IBM advert, but hey, you expect that sorta thing on some online news reports; I lived with it.

Then there was a lady news reporter — no, not FSJ — saying how there’d be a report on Macworld. Cool, I thought.

Then there was a second ad.

And that was the point I killed the page. Arse-factor Zero; you lost me within the first 30 seconds. And that’s what happens these days guys. Don’t inundate people with crapervising, we’re Not Interested Anymore! And it wasn’t like I could just click the progress indicator because each of these babies was a self-contained presentation.

Morons.

Froot-loops.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUrCF7fpViw&rel=1]

Choice quotes:

“…If we can just save one person’s soul…”

“…I don’t know if you’ve seen Kirk Cameron’s ‘Left Behind’…”

“…Noah’s Ark is real, and the Millenium Falcon is fake…”

“…When they die, and they’re judged, then they’ll go to hell… according to my beliefs they’re going to go to hell…”

For the love of…

What’s all this sudden panic and worry about oil and the cost thereof? For crying-out-loud, Peak oil has been and gone. Why the hell aren’t we — in this Great Southern Land of high temperatures and lots of sun– putting stacks of money into solar and alternative fuel research.

All this will do is expend millions on what’s a band-aid solution at best, and a total waste of money at worst. Why not stick some serious money into something we can supply in abundance: sunshine? If they spent all the money they’re going to spend on searching for gas and petroleum into a solar panel for every rooftop in the country, we won’t need anywhere near as much fuel as we’re consuming now and into the future.

Amazing.

This is our former government at work; like kids who have had their toys taken away, they’re kicking-up a stink.

I didn’t think Kevin Rudd’s statement “…infantile bickering, point-scoring and mindlessly partisan politics…” – uttered during the apology to the stolen generation – was a call-to-arms; it sounded more like an honest appraisal of the behaviour of politicians on both sides of the fence during the last 10 years of parliamentary rule.

The opposition seem intent on dragging the parliament into disarray; all they’re doing is showing what childish morons they actually are.

Well, the Libs are in full-swing today.

What was it Kevin said yesterday in his speech? Oh yes:

“…infantile bickering, point-scoring and mindlessly partisan politics…”

And as for Tony GodBotherer Abbot’s comment:

“…Opposition Indigenous affairs spokesman Tony Abbott defended Dr Nelson’s speech and called some of those who turned their backs “radicalised activists”.

“I suppose for people who have just come straight up from the Aboriginal Tent Embassy who are radicalised activists, I suppose a certain amount of hostility is to be expected,” he said…”

And which people would these be, Tony? Oh, sorry, you said: “…I suppose for people who have just come straight up from the Aboriginal Tent Embassy who are radicalised activists, I suppose a certain amount of hostility is to be expected…”

There goes your credibility, Right Down The Toilet, you racist pig.

I see in my mind’s eye, a cartoon of three people walking down a path called “Reconciliation”. The larger, adult is Kevin Rudd, the smaller two, both drawn as children having temper tantrums and resisting with every fibre of their being, are Tony Abbott and Brendan Nelson. Oh, there in the distance is an even smaller figure, dressed only in a soiled nappy; Wilson Tuckey is his name, and he’s running for dear life back to the womb of his conservative leader, John Howard.

I might not be able to draw, but I can certainly paint a picture.

Interesting vid (first seen on Fake Steve Jobs)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SdevjDLkO4&rel=1&border=1]

One of the additional things I’d point out is the savage abuse of the English Language that’s suddenly appeared over the last year.

Learnings is not a word, no matter which fucking context you put it in. Idiots! This is equivalent to phonetic spelling for acronyms such as MC.

Slightly ironic number for the post however

A message I just sent around work:

Greetings fellow level-2′ers,

I am writing today to decry the sad and sorry state of the kitchen with regard to the following ongoing issues:

• dirty dishes
• dirty dishes being left to pile up in both sinks (especially the one with the hot and cold running water)
• dirty cutlery
• dirty benches

You’ll note — perhaps with interest — that the operative word here is “dirty“.

Now, as far as I’m aware, the only people who get to leave dishes unwashed in kitchens are:

1. Royalty
2. Children
3. Those lacking appropriate motor-skills to manipulate dishes and washcloths.

Furthermore, there are several prominently positioned “kitchen etiquette” posters which actually ask nicely that people clean the hell up after themselves.

Howsabout it people? None of you are royalty (otherwise you wouldn’t be working), there aren’t any children on this level at this point, and you’ve all got the motor skills to operate computers and telephones, so you should all be able to clean up your dirty dishes.

Frankly, after 10 years working in IT and related environments with levels of cleanliness of varying degrees, I feel it’s a bit much to expect someone else to clean up after yourself. What’s next, the toilet?

Yours in extreme boredom,

your friendly neighbourhood writer.

Wonder if it’ll work?