Fuck. Off.

Original image found on http://jenniferlshelton.com/2012/01/23/meeting-your-inner-dragon-a-new-moon-a-new-year-and-a-fiery-retrograde/


Hope you are well.

I was until I received this email.

I am Jecera, SEO Consultant,

Lovely. And I am annoyed that you’re wasting my time and my email inbox quota with this inane crap. Jesus, humanity has achieved amazing thingsl; we’ve gone to the moon, we’ve split the atom, we’ve saved millions of lives and the result of all this is that we have an internet that’s clogged with idiots like you (and your ilk) who think that they can make a buck off of everyone by employing SPAM bots to blanket the internet in this crap. This is the equivalent of covering the entire planet in sticky, grey goo that no-one can fucking escape. Why don’t you fuck off and die, you parasite?

We are An ISO 9001: 2000 & Google Certified IT Company with around 150+ IT professionals which include 80 full time SEO experts. As an outsourcing vendor we have partnered with many reputed SEO agencies based in USA, UK, Canada and Australia.

Really? Which ones? Just saying it doesn’t make it so. Of course, naming them here won’t make it so either. Moron.

Has your website become the victim of Google’s Panda and Penguin update, resulting the down ranking in search engines?

No it hasn’t. You know why? Because I don’t participate in dodgy link-building practices and anyone who does deserves the wrath of Google to come down on their heads like a gigantic fucking fire-breathing dragon to blast them to kingdom-come. Them and anyone associated with them. If you use Google, then you abide by Google’s practices, not try to do an end-run around them.

Do you want to see your website in Top 10 positions in Google or other major search engines?

Do you want to get more targeted visitors on your website?

If yes, please let us know your domain name which you want to optimize.

We will analysis your website and send full SEO proposal with plan and activities which will be implemented on your website.

Most firms overseas have achieved a significant amount of savings by outsourcing either complete or part of their SEO

What kind of moron do you think I am? Visitors come because of content, not because you do something funky under the hood. You’re trying to sell me a turbo-charger for a bicycle. It just won’t work, and even if it does, it won’t work for long and will either kill the site or my reputation. Did I mention you can fuck off?

We are looking forward to a long and fruitful business relationship with you and your company.

And I’m looking forward to you and your ilk falling off a cliff and dying. Guess we’re both going to be disappointed today though.

We are waiting for your positive response.

Kind Regards

Online SEO Consultant

Well, I do hope you’re holding your breath.

Note: – Though this is not an automated email, we keep on sending out these emails to all those people whom we find eligible of using our services.

Oh yes it is.

To unsubscribe from future mails (i.e., to ensure that we do not contact you again for this matter), please send a blank mail, with NO as the Subject.

HAH. If that worked you’d all be working for McDonalds.

Author: gotheek

Sometime writer, full time human.