From: Adriana [mailto:kncxttqc@dzxnrnoaq.com]
Sent: Monday, July 15, 2013 4:36 PM
To: adrenaline_rush02@hotmail.com; adrenaline_rush02@hotmail.com
Subject: Hey!

BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to
email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and
keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

Well I’m fine. I’m concerned about you though: your spelling is atrocious. And neither of the emails you’ve sent this message to are mine. Perhaps you’ve sent this to the wrong person?

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit on
facebook and then I think u deleted me šŸ™ haha.. anyways guess what… I got
2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf
broke up about 3 months ago… and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING
NEAR U.. lol… ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3
cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

I think it’s most likely I deleted you for using leet speak. Call me provincial but I find it irritating and those that insist on using it in this time of full keyboards lazy, uninteresting morons. Or in words you might be able to understand:

Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo,

Add it to the “u” to make a real word

Don’t be lazy, don’t be a turd,

I like to read english; I’m a real nerd.

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to
chill so now we finally can HAHA!

Cute is such a subjective term, especially coming from u. Damn. I mean you. You’ve got me bloody doing it now!

im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this
email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get
there.. maybe even help me move my shit in…are u still on facebook?

Your spelling is appalling, so no, you can’t move in. It’s a sin that people can’t spell correctly in this age of spellcheck. Try running anything (and presumably everything) you write through one of the many online spellchecking tools there are. They’re free and really helpful.

i cudnt find ui was soo confused…anyways im gonna need someone to show me
the town and take me out so u better be around bebe…

What are you talking about?

we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to
get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but
cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol…

Like the nun said to the vicar: come again? I’m beginning to suspect you’re playing at being some underage kid who doesn’t know how to spell in an attempt to get me, an adult, to play ball with you.

ok so more info about me.. well im
23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for drinks,Ā restaurants, movies etc.. travel..

By 23 you should know how to write, especially if you’ve got a crushing student loan (sorry, I read ahead). So what’s it to be Adrianna? Educated young person or illiterate con-artist?

i have a lil kitty named BOO and i luvĀ her to death…

The RSPCA has a name for people like you.

uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they
just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah
blah blah…who doesnt..

I actually find porn amazingly unimaginative, and I’m not alone. The scriptwriters could do with some simple lessons in motivating their characters, the set design leaves a lot to be desired and direction is unimaginative and crass. I’d rather watch Game of Thrones to be honest. At least there’s an engaging story amongst the flesh.

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone
before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill
and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get

For the love of…

Phone, not fone; Next not enxt, You not u, Want to not wanna, aren’t not arent, Yes not Ya, and finally how about you get a bloody job before you force yourself on complete strangers you cretinous freeloader. And take some bloody spelling lessons.

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or
osmehting like that…really anythgin cause my current job is fun and all..
and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change..

Take some english lessons is my advice; most employers have a modicum of professionalism and require at least a grasp of the English language. Yours seems slippery at best.

i currently work
from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out meeting people.. oh wait.
i dont think i ever actually told u what i did?

Do I look like someone who actually gives a…

hmm shud i……???? ok
WELLLL… and dont get all weirded out on me.. i work on a webcam chat
community site and i get paid to chat with people and get naked HHAHA…
BOMB right :)?

Now the slippery grasp of English is obvious. Try drying your hands before attacking your keyboard with the gallons of lube you are obviously using. I’ll put money on that being the reason your computer is crap: it’s because the keyboard is full of your bloody slime.

I KNOW.. like i figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to
chat with people and play with myself heheh…anyways i hope u dont look

Oh, thank you for that. It’ll take several goes with The Muppet Show theme to shift that from my imagination.

i actually need help once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching
out….like i said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and
freezes NON STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already
and im hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

Damn computer. Why didn’t it die before you pressed Send?

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal….every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3
VIP codes to give out to whoever we want..

Have a horrible feeling I’m going to get lucky.

so with this code u can lgoin to
watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else… the
only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE

I’m speechless with gratitude. No, wait, it was just cognitive overload, confusion as to why you would think offering me a free peek at your pink bits would in any way make me a better and more complete person.

i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more than 3
people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER… i figured u cud always email me
back instead but my email account doesnt even let me login half the time..
so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room…

Yeah, that’d be because your computer is covered in lube. I know it doesn’t say anything on the manufacturer’s warranty about dipping your hardware in lube, but it’s guaranteed to be a sticky situation.

(boom, tish!)

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan šŸ™

Well, I’ve heard of people going to great lengths to pay-off their debts, but surely there’s easier ways than sticking a web-cam up your clacker? How about getting a job where you get to keep your clothes on for example?

I really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern remember me
hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably soooo annnoyed
with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work..

Well, talk is cheap, so I’ll summarise: I don’t actually care about you and I’m not an idiot who’s just going to click a link in an email from a complete stranger.

i really hope u come chat
me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the move…
REALLY i mean that….anyways once i see u in insdie ill shoot u myc ell
number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont wanna come chat i understand but
its really the only palce to find me now days..

Here’s an idea, sunshine: don’t move. Oh, better still, don’t email me.

if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there after my
internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign to see u in my
chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u..

They call me Lucky Lisa. No, actually they don’t.

WHEN IS EE U hahahahha…k babe im out for now… chat ya soon..

By kallerna (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons
By kallerna (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

kisses xoxo

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Author: gotheek

Sometime writer, full time human.