I hated my job & wanted to quit

abandoned_resorts

Dear Friend

Point of order: my friends don’t send me unsolicited sales-stuffed mail messages. Perhaps you should have started off as “Dear irritated recipient” or “Dear gullible fool”. That at least would be more factually accurate.

I’m currently soaking up the sun while writing you this letter from the patio of my beautiful beachfront condo. It’s unbelievable to think that just a few short months ago I was selling myself short and missing out on this amazing life that I now enjoy.

Oh piss off. Photos or it didn’t happen!

You see, I used to go into work every day and be miserable. I was an ignorant fool thinking that everyone hates their job, until I discovered the truth.

The truth that you can sit back and use bots to SPAM the entire planet safe from your enclave in boom-fuck-nowhere-astan.

One day, I went into work and as usual my boss asked me to do a bunch of things that he knew couldn’t get accomplished in one day. I realized that I was being exploited, just like you are at your job.

I work for myself you ignorant dolt. It’s not like I have to walk into my office with eyes averted, and ask on bended knee if I can have time-off, only for myself to turn round and tell me to GET BACK TO BLOODY WORK!

Suddenly it hit me, I had to make a change, so to my boss’ surprise, I marched up to him and handed him my resignation letter. I was so excited but then I had a terrible sinking feeling when I realized I actually had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to manage to pay next month’s rent.

Ah yes, the rags to riches tale, of grinding oppression and a slow sudden rise to stardom and sunlight! You’re not Steve Farrell, you’re Cinderella!

So, Cinders, how did this tale of woe have a happy ending?

One day, I decided to call my cousin who lives in a beautiful home in Miami. He has an extraordinary life – a beautiful wife, more money than he can count, and he is his own boss. I never really understood what he did for work but I had a burning feeling that it was time for me to find out.

Yeah, he sold drugs and ordered hits on unsuspecting people who owed him money. As a way to make tax-free cash, it’s tried and tested.

The secret to his success was ridiculously easy! I couldn’t believe these jobs actually exist!

You just need to find yourself a weak drug boss to sell-out to the cops. Easy peasy! Haven’t you seen Breaking Bad?

My cousin revealed that he makes crazy money by using Facebook and Twitter. Yeah, you heard me right…he gets paid extremely well to use social media.

Yes, it’s great to groom drug mules and users with offers of Charlie and other drug pseudonyms. Social media is Da Bomb isn’t it? Certainly easier than standing on a street-corner and asking passers-by if they’re Jason.

Apparently there’s an abundance of large corporations looking for people to manage their Facebook and Twitter accounts because they simply don’t have the time to do it themselves. So they’re willing to pay BIG BUCKS to people like you who want to make money by having fun on the company’s social media accounts.

If a corporation puts their social networking account up to any Tom, Dick or Mary, then they fully deserve the fall-out that occurs. Social networking on big business sites are run by the marketing department, not complete strangers who give their details out to people like you, SPAMderella.

I immediately signed up to get exclusive access to high-paying social media jobs. I felt really guilty keeping this secret to myself, so I felt compelled to share it with you so that you can dramatically transform your life just like I did!

Yes, moving from mopping floors in a slum to the big house with the big man who looks after you and keeps all the other big men at bay.

Sign up here right now and you will NEVER LOOK BACK!

I doubt anyone would want to.

Dedicated to your success,
Steve Farell

 

Author: gotheek

Sometime writer, full time human.