Miraculous ‘Signs’ Appearing, The Marriage Supper Invitation From Jesus!

Says it all really.

Note to readers: This one is quite long as, clearly, Linda NewKirk is off her rocker. However, if you have the patience, you’ll learn that Linda’s version of religion includes forced marriages, homosexuality being fine and dandy, and a man-child marrying his mother.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: Miraculous ‘Signs’ Appearing, The Marriage Supper Invitation From Jesus!
Date: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 02:55:54 -0500
From: Prophecy News Network Reply-To: prophecynewsnetwork@gmail.com

This is a first.

As you read this invitation to the ‘Marriage Supper Of The Lamb’ that has been foretold in Matthew 22, also know that extraordinary signs are being seen in the heavens over many nations. These amazing displays of supernatural phenomena signal the soon return of Jesus. Time is surely short to take advantage of this invitation. Amazing photos and prophecy explaining what has been taking place in the heavens are posted at www revelation12.ca

The marriage supper of the lamb. That’s eye-watering. So the lamb is having supper now it’s married?

And people object to gay marriage! Go figure.

Linda Newkirk’s prophecies about Barack Obama faced great derision in 2008 when Obama was coming into power. Today the veracity of those warnings is very sobering to say the least. Few people are aware that Linda also revealed the identity of the real terrorists behind 9/11, on the very day of 911.

So a conspiracy theorist who has mashed christian writings with modern events. Now that’s original. Why exactly is there always a modern context to conspiracy theories? There’s either satellites or radio waves or something like that fixing our fates. Whereas in earlier times it was the devil or angels.

The Diagnostic Statistical Manual IV-TR has a section for this kind of thing; it’s called a Persecutory Delusion and you can read about it here. At its most fundamental, someone with a persecution delusion is someone who thinks others are out to get them: basically, paranoia. It’s the government, or people wearing hats, or communists, or liberals, or terrorists, or anyone else. The fact is though, that we have the best life expectancy in 100 years – take a look at the CIA fact sheet on life expectancy if you don’t believe me.

The prophetic invitaion you are about to read is true as well, please have a little faith and take a moment to ask the Lord to be a guest. You will be very glad that you did, things are going to become quite terrible in the earth very soon.

How do you know it’s true? And the only way I can invite the Lord to be my guest is if you can give me contact details for the deity. Is god on facebook? I know the Pope is on Twitter, so does that count?

An Open Invitation!

To A Spectacular And Timely, Heavenly Event!

Our Father in Heaven Speaks!

Receive, Believe And Ask!

Sounds like a holy drive-through. Would you like prayers with that?

My Blessed Child, I am your Father Yahweh,

Avert your eyes!

So not William like I’ve always been told? You mean I’m adopted?!

yea Jehovah, Most High God; and I come to you today to impart to you a message of My great love, of My great mercy and of My great grace!

That’s lovely of you to say.

My Little One, few know, or believe, that you, Linda Newkirk, the same Linda Newkirk of Mayflower, Arkansas, are the Woman of Revelation Chapter Twelve!

Huh? Last I looked I was called Lisa. Are you saying my name is wrong too? Can I keep the name and just go by the alias of Linda NewKirk because, frankly, getting my ID changed with the bank, government and other places is a pain.

Let me have a beak at Revelation Chapter Twelve at the King James Bible website.

So what appears to me to be a Threadless teeshirt and a pair of green fisherman’s pants is in-fact a sun.

Not fisherman’s pants, really a sun. That’s a revelation if ever I heard one.

Any particular sun, because there’s a lot of them in the sky.

And, few know how you have labored, how you have travailed, how you have suffered, and how you have often wept beneath the weight of unspeakable persecution! And, all for the love of Me, for the love of My Son and for the love of humanity!

I was bullied as a child and young adult, so you’re on the nose there.

Yes, few know, and of those who know, few believe! For your trials have been so great as you have travailed beneath the feet of Satan and all of his demonic hordes!

I have engaged in laborious effort beneath the feet of demonic miscreants in boss fights? Well, given the efforts of late with reviewing, refuting and poking fun at Spammers, I’d say this, too, is marginally accurate. Perhaps what you’re saying is true…?

Oh yes, you have travailed to bring forth My holy seed!

Wait, what?!

A tiny seed indeed when it was given to you; but at this time, it has been maturing in your body for more than seventeen months!

Whoah! WTF?! You stuck a seed in my body without my permission?! That’s rape I’ll have you know. I’m calling the cops.

And, during this time, it has been growing in strength, power, and stature until it is, for a certainty, now a “manchild!” And, soon, oh so soon, it will be birthed back to My throne! But, not without you; for he is a part of you!

Kind of explains this expanding gut of mine. I want something useful though. Can I trade it for a new Mac?

My Child, I have told you that, as the Woman of Revelation Twelve, you are the spiritual mother of My Kingdom! What grows in you is My Kingdom Seed! It is also the seed of My Son, Jesus, who is Saviour of Humanity!

You know, you might have been able to get away with this shit 2,000 years ago when peeps were uneducated subsistence farmers eking out quiet existences under the thumb of various expansionist civilisations, but here in the 21st century, that’s called gang rape and you’re going to go to jail.

All, who marry Him, will receive this seed!

I’ll happily remain single then. The only seed I’ll accept is something I can put in a pot and grow, preferably into a fast-maturing lemon or lime tree. For my gin and tonics.

All, who come into My Kingdom, to work in My service, and to be a part of My Kingdom, the queens, the kings and all others, must receive this seed! None will be a part of My Kingdom, who do not have this seed!

You’re giving kings your seed too? That’s kind of homosexual to be honest. I hope you’re going to inform your representatives on Earth that Leviticus was wrong.

My Little One, as I have told you, soon and oh so soon, I will take you and My “manchild,” my now-matured holy seed, back to My throne! And, what awaits you in heaven is most surely the second greatest celebration ever to take place in heaven, the first being when My Son returned after He was crucified!

Will there be balloons?

Now comes another grand celebration in Heaven and in some ways, perhaps in many ways, it is even more grand than when My Son returned, but not in all ways! For this celebration, this marriage to My Son, will go on for some time; with you, My Little One, being the first to marry Him, your marriage to Him coming through the now-matured holy seed of My Son! For, you are the spiritual mother of My Kingdom, the very one, who has birthed the holy seed into the earth, which is now a manchild!

I do recall I said I wasn’t interested in marrying him unless he gave me a lime tree which would give me ingredients for my Gin.

My Little One, you have so often wanted these works to be finished! So often you have sought this; for you have wanted an end to the constant persecution, which is directed at you!

If you’re talking about Essays, I’ve only got two left this year. You going to help-out? I need someone who can be on video for 20 minutes having a crisis, so that I can show my lecturer I can use crisis management skills. Do you think you or your son could help out?

But, you have not wanted to leave this Earth and to come into Heaven without your faithful friends! In fact, My Little One, your cries have continually come before My throne, wherein you have repeatedly asked that all “clean” souls be allowed to come with you and the manchild when you come to My throne!

It’s still eye-watering when you talk about “manchild“, because I don’t think it means what you think it means. In our modern vernacular, a manchild is someone who looks mature but who is a screaming little shit, with the maturity of a 7 year old who’s just eaten a box of chocolates.

And, yes, My Child, I shall grant this request, but in an even greater way than what you ask! Surely, I will now give the grace, great grace to you, that when I come for you and the manchild, I will also take those, have been your faithful friends.

And we’ll all party on, dude?

Party on Dude!

But, My Little One, I extend more, and I extend it to those, who are on the streets, who are in the highways and the bi-ways! Even if they do not know if Revelation Chapter Twelve is true; and even if they do not know a thing about what you have been through, if they ask of Me with a sincere heart and a humble heart to come, I will allow many of them to come with you, even total strangers! I will answer the calls of many, even those, who are lost and who sleep under the bridges!

Hope you’ve got a big place, because that’s a lot of peeps for this party of yours! You’d better be catering for vegetarians and vegans too, unlike those bloody asgardians who do nothing but eat meat.

Yes, I offer to them now a grand trip to heaven, a trip to behold the wedding of the ages, a chance to be a part of something so grand, that all of heaven is daily in great anticipation! And, this wedding, My Little One, is the wedding of My Son, as He first weds you, the spiritual mother of My Kingdom in the Earth!!

So it’s a forced marriage and I don’t get a say in it. There’s laws against forced marriages here in Australia you arrogant cad.

Oh, yes soon, and oh so soon, you will have paid your price, your great price indeed, to birth My Kingdom into the Earth!

So I was just doing my thing, living my life and you’ve raped me, impregnated me with your manchild son and want now to force me to marry my own son in your home, witnessed by my friends and complete strangers who you’ve kidnapped.

Truly you are powerful beyond belief. And with great power comes great responsibility.

I expect you’ll find your responsibility behind the couch. I’ll wait here while you go and get it.

And, all subsequent marriages to My Son could only come about because you have paid the price! If you have not paid the price to birth My Kingdom into the Earth, I would have no Kingdom in the Earth! And, soon, oh so soon, I shall so greatly reward you! For, you will marry My Son first and all will soon know that you are the woman, who bears the crown with twelve stars, the true Queen of Heaven, indeed!

There’s more marriages? What is this, a franchise?

Now, my Little One, I open up My invitation to this wedding, not only to your faithful friends, but to all, who truly wish to come, who can truly believe and truly ask! And, while I now allow you to post this on the Internet as a public invitation, I now call up others, who see and know the truth of what I write, to copy this message into printed form and to take it and to distribute it into the streets, wherever they live.

So not only am I being forced into a marriage, but I have to do the legwork and advertise it for you?

Some may need to translate this message into their own language! And, I call you now! I call you from the continents; and I call you from the islands to take this message, to copy it into printed form and to widely distribute it to those in the streets, where you live! I now invite anyone, who can receive the truth of what I tell you and who can believe, thereafter asking with a sincere heart, to be a guest at this most grand of weddings in heaven!

Try google translate or babelfish. I think there would be a certain irony to use babelfish, given Douglas Adams’s passage on the poor maligned little life-form.

Oh, yes, this is true! This is real! And, this invitation is not being sent directly to the churches! This is not My desire; for they have overwhelmingly spurned these works of Revelation Twelve! My invitation now goes into the streets and I call forth My workers, the sincere of heart, those, who also wish to be a part of this grand wedding, to come forth now!

So you’re telling your own people that they’re not welcome. Clearly the legal action against them has had some impact upstairs.

I call you to come forth and to copy this message and to take it into the streets, take it into the jails! Take it into the villages! Take it into the highways and the bi-ways; to make haste! For, this wedding is soon, oh so soon, not many weeks away!

Meanwhile you’ll be doing what precisely? You’re a big delegator aren’t you, handing down decisions to your minions. How about you tell your own people to do the advertising? I don’t have a budget for that.

Though many of My own have rejected these works, and are thereby unworthy to come, many others will not reject this invitation, but will shout with glee! For, they will hold dear what I now give so freely!

I imagine they feel the same about forced marriages as I do.

Oh, yes this is unexpected! All that I give now is unexpected! But, oh so soon, many will get a trip into heaven, which will forever change them! And, they will see the very first wedding, ever, in heaven, the wedding of My chosen, daughter, Linda Newkirk, the Woman of Revelation Twelve, to My Son! Thereafter, Linda Newkirk will begin her work as the Queen of Heaven, my Son’s very own queen; and as such will bear much power in Heaven and in the Earth!

You can’t even get my name right. Oh, hang on: that’s my get out of jail card! I’m not Linda NewKirk, my name is Lisa. So take your seed and sod off you big bully!

All, who take seriously this invitation, and who come to Me in prayer, truly believing and truly asking to go, will indeed be received as guests of this grand heavenly event! And, yes, even some of these will be evil! For, first, I am a God of great love, of great mercy and grace! And, through this invitation of love, many will be forever changed!

I reject you and all you believe in, completely, wholeheartedly and without any doubt. Take your seed, your man child, your wedding invitations and stick them where the sun doesn’t shine (presumably where the sun I’m currently wearing was once located).

My Beloved Child, type this and get this posted on the Internet soon! I will touch the hearts of many, who read this message, that they copy it onto paper and distribute it into the streets, where they live!

Quite frankly, if you’ve been putting seeds in men and women, you’ve been touching more than just people’s hearts.

Come, Oh you nations! Receive what I freely offer! For, now My grace, My love, My righteousness, and My glory comes forth as you could neither have imagined, nor could have conceived in any way!! Glorious rewards now come to those, who believe!

Such as being roped into marrying one’s own child. There ought to be a law… Oh wait, there is.

Witnessed, dictated and recorded this 3rd day of November, 2007 Linda Newkirk

You want me to sign in the name of Linda NewKirk? What?

FFS. There’s more?

Important Update To The Wedding Invitation!

From The Mountain Prophecies

Chapter Ninety-Three PART III

The Wedding Invitation

This is what you want me to circulate among my friends and complete strangers?

Come to Me, My Blessed Child; for I am your first love! I am your husband! I am your Creator; and ‘yes,’ as you often say to me, I am the Love of Your Life! Yes, I am Yahweh, Most High God, Jesus, your Redeemer!

Is this the manchild talking now? From the womb. That I don’t actually have.

That’s pretty impressive.

My Blessed Child, this is a new day for you, a new time for you, and a new day for My people! For, I have now released very great numbers of My holy seed into the bodies, into the spirits and into the souls of My Faithful! I have imparted these holy seeds into My 144,000 elect, but also to some few others, whom I have so chosen! For, this has been My great blessing to some, who have been faithful to you and faithful to these works, who are not part of the 144,000. Do you remember the marriage invitation, which I gave to you?

Holy crap! You’ve inseminated 144000 people while in the womb? That’s not a miracle, that’s disgusting!

Yes, My Lord.

No, actually, piss off.

Then, know, My Blessed Child, that I must also make ready all of those, who have believed and who have truly wanted to attend this wedding, as wedding guests. So, My Little One, I must raise up some pearls and make them spiritually ready to attend this wedding. And, in order to do so, I have already chosen some to receive this holy seed, that they may be made spiritually ready to enter in through the passageway of fire.

You’re raising pearls to attend the wedding too? And you’re going to give them your ‘holy’ seed?

Clearly you don’t know what a pearl actually is.

Honestly, you’ve just passed through the looney barrier, the border between laughably barmy and the clinically insane.

You see, My Little One, and you know well, that I am a God of great mysteries. I laid out the wedding invitation before the people, a sincere and true offer on My part, but the one key to being a wedding guest has been the presence of a simple faith, a simple trust in Me.

Keep talking pal, I’m just on the phone to mental health services.

But, My Child, most have thrown away the wedding invitation.

Damn fucking right I have.

Most have forgotten about the wedding invitation, but a few still hold onto this invitation and they long to attend this wedding; for they believe! But, My Little One, these numbers are few; and I promised you that I would take the greatest numbers possible to this wedding as wedding guests.

THey’ve forgotten because you’re nuts. Take hope though, soon you won’t have a worry in the world and will be eating your food and meds through a straw.

Therefore, I now extend this offer once more, and only once more. Therefore, at the end of this message, post once again the wedding invitation. For, this is My great gift of love for those, who are able to believe and to receive these truths. I have not given this invitation in vain, but in truth; and I honor My words in My offer through this wedding invitation. For, this is My promise to you, My Blessed Child, and I will keep My promises.

Sorry, zoned out there. What was it you were saying? Blessed child, yadda, yadda, yadda. You’re quite needy aren’t you?

Blessed Saviour, as I type this message, this day being the 18th day of August, I have some questions about these wedding guests. My Lord, must all, who enter into this passageway of light and fire have the holy seed within them? My Lord, in years past, you carried me into the light and I stood in Your wonderful light; and I did not yet have the holy seed. So, I do wonder about how that was and how this will be.

So everyone who comes to this magical wedding has to also be pregnant with God’s seed? Or at least have had sex with God in the last little while?

I’ll need a moment to get my head around that one.

You do well to wonder, my Blessed Child; for there are three different levels among these wedding guests: 1. Those, who have the holy seed; 2. Those, who do not have the holy seed, but who have clean hearts, and have lived worthy to go into the light; 3. and, those, who have not lived worthy to go into the light, but at the very last minute, they are changed through My divine intervention and made ready to go into the light. And, because of these three distinctions, these three different types of wedding guests will take their different places at this wedding. See?

and 4. Those who are completely off their fucking rocker.

Yes, my Lord; and thank You so very much for explaining these important truths to me. Praises to Your Holy Name!

Received and witnessed by, Linda Newkirk August 18, 2012

Author: gotheek

Sometime writer, full time human.